Recently, I was reminded of an encounter way back in 2008 that left a lasting impression on my friend Tony.
We were in Shanghai having a quick lunch at a restaurant on a business trip. The table conversation was unremarkable, centering on preparations for a presentation of a technology solution we were offering to a large media company. We were slightly jet lagged, tired, moderately stressed and a long way from home.
When the plates were empty and the afternoon’s tasks had been discussed and divided, we got up to leave. Tony forced his chair back from the table, stood and started to walk away. I stopped him.
“What are you doing?” I barked at him, a bit incredulously.
“Going back to work” he replied. He looked at me a bit defensively as he responded because he was surprised by the fervor of my tone.
I pointed across the room to a middle-aged bus boy in uniform cleaning tables from the afternoon lunch crowd. His head was down, eyes on his task as he diligently filled a basket with plates glasses and used chopsticks.
“Why do you think he’s here?” I asked.
“To clean up”, came the reply I was expecting.
“He is cleaning up, but he’s here to feed his family. I’m pretty sure he gets no joy out of pushing people’s chairs back into place. Lighten his load.”
Tony pushed his chair in and went about his day. I went about mine too, not giving further thought to my comment. If I had thought about it, I would likely have felt some guilt for scolding him or started laughing at myself for being a jet lagged jerk.
Years later, I learned that my words and tone stuck with Tony in a more profound way than I expected. I left him a perspective he had not considered and changed his awareness of his footprint on this earth. He began thinking “we are all in this together” and adopted a variety of behaviors more benefiting to others in his daily life.
When he recalled the episode over the phone and described the impact on him, he was genuinely thankful. I didn’t really know how to respond.
Later that evening, I reflected on his comments and said two small prayers of thanks:
-that my overzealous bluntness ended up easing a bit of the burden of people I never met
-that I had a friend that respected me enough to look past my presentation and understand my message.
