The Superstar’s Dad

 

My theory of coaching a baseball team of kids is that they have a lifetime to love baseball if you don’t make them hate it.  In a world of video games and communication through text characters, I considered it an achievement for a kid to stand center stage in front of a bunch of adults and perform, at any level.

I like the kids who need to compete, but I also like the ones that don’t.  We could always find ways to make each other laugh and have fun.  I didn’t always have the same experience with the parents.

The first team I coached was my youngest son’s six-year-old T-ball team.  One boy on our team was a head taller than everyone else, faster and a bit more coordinated.  He was a shy kid, but he could not hide in the handshake line at the end of the game.

His dad, who I’ll call Zeus, stood about a head taller than me and was convinced he had sired Willie Mays.  His son wore the same “Giants” t-shirt as his teammates, but Willie incarnate came to the field with a hundred-dollar baseball bag on his shoulder.  Inside that bag was a hundred-dollar bat to hit the ball off of a tee and an eighty-dollar glove to catch the screaming line drives hit by the merely mortal 6 year-olds he competed against.  I would not have known the cost of these things had the dad not told me.  They did not look different from the $25 bat and glove my son and his other teammates used.  What was noticeably different were the plush white cotton sweatbands covering the boy’s wrists.  They made quite the “I’m special” fashion statement.

Zeus did not trust me, but I did not take it personally.  Zeus felt like he was giving precious porcelain to an unqualified fool who had trouble eating with his hands.  He obviously did not know me well.  My hands had been satisfying my culinary and consumption needs flawlessly for years. Read More

Saint Peter Canisius- Passion and Compassion

Sometimes I get caught up in trying to prove I’m right. I want to win an argument so badly that my message can’t get through. Logic is impressive, but an action is meaningful. Saint Peter Canisius shows us how openness, charity, and humility may be more important in winning the day than the most compelling prose. Believe what I do.

Peter Canisius lived at a time of great friction among Christians. The chasm between Protestants and Catholics had become violent and bitter, much like the factions in our society today. Possessing a brilliant mind that would gain him recognition as a Doctor of the Church, Peter ultimately won the respect of all sides through deeds.

Peter was one of the earliest members of the Jesuit order, instrumental in forming several colleges and universities, a major influence in the emergence of the Catholic press and author of Catechisms of the Catholic faith that could be embraced by common people and children. As importantly, Peter set an example for Christian living through his acts of caring for the sick and visiting prisoners even with demanding responsibilities and a hectic schedule.  These actions broke down the polarizing attitudes of the day and left people open to his message. Peter engaged non-Catholics with openness and compassion.

“it is plainly wrong to meet non-Catholics with bitterness or to treat them with discourtesy. For this is nothing else than the reverse of Christ’s example because it breaks the bruised reed and quenches the smoking flax. We ought to instruct with meekness those whom heresy has made bitter and suspicious, and has estranged from orthodox Catholics, especially from our fellow Jesuits.

A tireless spirit, Peter is believed to have traveled over 20,000 miles on horseback and by foot during his lifetime. Peter once wrote, “If you have too much to do, with God’s help you will find time to do it all”.

His brilliance became evident at an early age when he authored books on Leo the Great and Saint Cyril that became quite popular. In 1547 he attended the Council of Trent and was instrumental in delivering the Council’s decrees to the eastern Bishops and throughout Germany. The decision to use Peter for the task came after an earlier attempt to deliver these volumes had ended in violence and theft. Peter was chosen because he was known to be respected.

His Catechism focused on three primary pillars, wisdom, justice, and the sacraments. The concepts of faith, hope, charity and performing good vs. evil were important messages for followers to comprehend in the combative tenor of the age.

Peter had deep faith in Catholicism and God’s intervention. “The fear of many people is greater than necessary because they look for human and not divine help: they act in despair instead of praying with holy confidence for the oppressed Church.”

Peter Canisius had many talents, but his ability to set an example of faith and love through his actions made him effective at breaking down barriers so his message could be heard. His efforts were instrumental in the Catholic Renewal and the conversion of many Protestants in Austria, Bavaria, and Bohemia. For all of his contributions, Peter became known as the Second Apostle of Germany for spreading the faith there in a manner rivaled only by Saint Boniface.

Peter Canisius stands as a shining example of a life well lived and well loved.  He is a model for dealing effectively with polarizing times, like the world we live in today.

 

Saint Ephram the Syrian- Find your Voice

Each of us is faced with trials and setbacks.  Though we do not control the hand we are dealt, we can determine how we play our cards.  St. Ephram the Syrian, uneducated and living on the wrong side of the current events of his day, found a voice that inspired the people of his time and those of the millenniums that followed.  He is an example of our ability to rise above our circumstance with our thoughts and words.

St. Ephram was subjected to the same type of mass relocation that many Christians in the Middle East are facing today.  In the year 363, his lifetime home of Nisibis fell to the Persians forcing Ephram to Edessa (in present day Iraq) where he lived in a cave in monastic seclusion and experienced the most fruitful and productive years of his life.

St. Ephram became known as “the Harp of the Holy Ghost” and composed a prolific number of poems and religious hymns as a pioneer in the use of these forms for theological expression.  He applied his verse to music in his efforts to combat some of the heresies of the day and address mysteries like the Immaculate Conception of Mary and the Incarnation.  His descriptions of death, the Last Judgement, heaven, and hell later influenced Dante and his work.  Some of his prayers and hymns are recited and sung regularly to this day. Read More

Saint Leo The Great- The Faith To Try

 

Think about the courage it would take to stand, armed with only words, and try to convince the leader one of the most savage armies in history to spare your city. Need help facing your fears or getting ready to take on something difficult? Reflect on Leo the Great.

Leo the Great was recognized as a peacemaker and unifier during an age where the Church and its people were in desperate need of both. The decaying Roman empire was in a state of collapse, leaving room for many forms of heresy to spread and barbarian armies to infiltrate. Leo faced these challenges head on.

“Virtue is nothing without the trial of temptation, for there is no conflict without an enemy, no victory without strife” Read More

 

Gregory the Great- Subordinating Desire for the Greater Good

How often does duty get in the way of our desires?  Need an example of how putting our wishes aside can make this world a better place?  Examine the life of Gregory the Great.

Gregory lived from 540 to 604 and was a man for his turbulent times.  The Roman Empire had fallen, Rome had been sacked several times and most of its grand buildings were in ruins.  War, famine and the plague were prevalent throughout Rome and large sections of Europe.  The world needed organized, disciplined and visionary leadership.  Gregory responded, setting aside personal desires for a detached, secluded life and his impact is felt to this very day.  Read More

 

St. Christopher- The Holy Enigma

When I was young, it was common to see men wearing a St. Christopher medal affixed to a chain around their necks.  Known as the patron saint of travelers, his likeness also appeared on the dashboard of motorists as they gained comfort from his intercession over their safe passage to and from their destinations.

Christopher was known as a martyr who died in the third century under Decius.  Though there were many conflicting stories about his journey to notoriety, he became famous for an event that was ultimately determined to be unproven.  Since the details of his life are so conflicting, undocumented and cloudy, I will describe it the way I tell the story when someone asks me why I wear his medal today.

“Christopher was a big dopey guy who lived 200 years after Christ died.  He was a huge man, almost giant-like.  Because of his size, he was given the job of carrying people across the river by the town where he lived.  One night the Christ child appeared before him and asked to cross the river.  Christopher took him about half way across when he realized that baby Jesus had become incredibly heavy.  It took all his strength to complete the journey and bring Jesus with the weight of the world safely to the opposite shore.  Read More

 

Friendly wager

I have a great friend named QT who was born in Vietnam, relocated to Oklahoma as a boy and retains a distinctive Okie accent that causes double takes regularly.  He worked for me on several occasions and always did a great job.  As much as I respect him, it did not preclude me from having some fun at his expense from time to time.

One evening after work, we took our auditors out for an evening at Dodger Stadium.   Several beers into the evening, the four of us took to making friendly wagers about events on the field. Read More

 

Bad Business Partners and Free Agents

I saw a news article recently about two relatively new accounting firms embroiled in a battle over rights to the name Arthur Andersen.  Both pale in comparison to the original firm, who’s unfortunate demise changed many things about doing business in this millennium.

I owe my plunge into entrepreneurship nearly 20 years ago to Arthur Andersen.

Arthur Andersen is to this day, in my estimation, the greatest Public Accounting Firm that ever existed. I attended a multi-day seminar on Entrepreneurship that they hosted for clients in the late 1990’s.  Among the more notable speakers at the seminar were Jeffrey Bleustien, the CEO of Harley Davidson and Franco Harris, the Hall of Fame Running Back for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Read More

 

 

Parenting Costs

Parenting often entails making sacrifices for the benefit of the children.  A great number of these sacrifices are opportunity costs,  I’ve had many conversations with parent friends of mine over the years where they lamented things they could not do because they had kids.

In March of 2009, I was engaged in a text conversation with a friend who was having a hard time dealing with these forgone opportunities.  To my surprise, she saved my comments and sent them back to me last year.  They do capture my feelings, albeit a bit less eloquently in their off the cuff delivery.

“Why have I dealt for over 10 years with what you are feeling such frustration over this past month?  I know these three people who are incredibly special.  Each different in many ways but it is their similar traits that amaze me.  They are blessed with physical and intellectual talent.  They have learned to be caring people, concerned for others and interested in dedicating their efforts to making the world they live in a better place.  I do not know what they will accomplish in life, but I see that if they are allowed to grow to their potential, each of them can leave a very special legacy.  I do believe that helping them realize their true potential is worth any amount of sacrifice I may be asked to make.  My contribution to this world will be the things I did to prepare them for their life’s journey.

Because I believe in them, the painful things I endure are tolerable.  I can accept the absence of things I’d like in my life knowing that absence is indirectly helping them along.

I probably won’t live to see most of what they achieve in life, but that is not really important.  People who I will never meet, who are not even alive today will benefit and be blessed for the sacrifices I make now for my children.  That thought makes each of those sacrifices worth it to me. It’s my way of leaving something good and healthy behind this life I’ve been given.”

 

Lighten the Load

Recently, I was reminded of an encounter way back in 2008 that left a lasting impression on my friend Tony.

We were in Shanghai having a quick lunch at a restaurant on a business trip.  The table conversation was unremarkable, centering on preparations for a presentation of a technology solution we were offering to a large media company.  We were slightly jet lagged, tired, moderately stressed and a long way from home.

When the plates were empty and the afternoon’s tasks had been discussed and divided, we got up to leave.  Tony forced his chair back from the table, stood and started to walk away.  I stopped him.  Read More

 

Eating at Home

People who love to eat know they will be happy at least three times a day.  I have many friends who eat on the go, and you do what you have to do, but at least once a day, I make a concerted effort to gather around a table with the folks in my home and share the experience of a family meal.

I grew up with extended families who ate home cooked meals together as a matter of regular practice.  Cost was a primary reason.  The expense of feeding our tribe at restaurants relegated the status of those outings to being reserved for special occasions.

Saving money was just one of the benefits.  Long after I could easily afford to feed my family anywhere at any time, I clung to the home-cooked family meal.  Time spent together around a table breaking bread as a family has had a profound effect on our lives.  It would be difficult to replicate the bonding that has taken place during those meals any other way.  The relaxed setting provided an opportunity to vent, to gain and show support, and to escape from the day’s tasks with people who share your history.  At the table together, we know we are not facing the world alone.  Read More

 

The Beauty of a Baseball Park

I was at Dodger Stadium one summer evening with a good friend, my middle son and his best friend.  My son was about to become a high school freshman and was deeply engaged in a text conversation with a girl he and his friend had recently met at a graduation party.  At one point, they were consumed with the smartphone and confused, trying to decide what to ask her next.

“Can she cook?” I asked them

“Why does that matter?”  My son inquired.

“Do you like stomachaches?” was my reply.

The four of us lost all track of the next several batters expanding on that humorous topic.  I imagine thousands of people were stuck in Southern California traffic listening intently to Vin Scully describing the nuances of what was happening on the field.  We were close enough for the players to hear us and could not care less what they were doing. Read More

 

Saint Bede the Venerable- Voice From Seclusion

 

Does it seem like it’s hard to have an impact from a little corner of the world? Here is St. Bede, a “bookworm” type, sheltered from the world, but passionate enough to create a voice heard for centuries.

St. Bede shows us how observing and understanding holy lives can supplement scripture on a personal path to living a quality life.  He understands Saints as role models and Saintly lives as inspiration.  The devotion to learning he practiced on his journey to sainthood can be an example to us all.  He is a Doctor of the Church and the patron saint of scholars.  More about St. Bede can be found on the HERE

Fatherhood as a purpose

It took several years and an invasive medical procedure before my oldest daughter was conceived.  When it finally happened, I was so consumed with excitement, I spoke about almost nothing else.  A few days after I got the news, I attended a scheduled Board of Directors meeting for a non-profit organization in East Los Angeles.  I took my regular seat that evening next to my favorite board member, Carlos J Garcia.

Carlos had a comforting and genuine greeting for each person he met brought out by a keen ability to see the good in everyone.  It was easy to see the goodness in him.  He was a bundle of things you would not expect, a lawyer, seriously overweight, yet soft-spoken with an easy and gentle smile. He was also a Bishop in the Mormon Church, which at the time I mistakenly viewed as a unique role for a Latino.  Much later in life, I came to realize that there are many So, Cal. Hispanics who are members of the Mormon Church.

Carlos had his share of life’s trials, but his faith gave him a glow that I only witnessed once in one other person, Caesar Chavez.  I met Caesar Chavez in that same board room a few months before I got the news that my wife was pregnant.  Sadly, he passed away a month before my daughter was born.

I sat next to Carlos and went on about my news. He patiently grinned and nodded and acknowledged that he was happy for me.  When I finally slowed down, he gave me the message he really wanted to deliver.

“Carl, “he started, “One day you are going to meet your maker.  When you do, he’s not going to have a checklist or report card noting that you lied three times or swore too often.  He is, however, going to ask you a question.  He will say ‘Carl, I sent you a spirit.  What did you do to make sure they turned out to be a good person?’  If you can answer that, you won’t have to worry about anything else.”

I’m not sure there is a concept I took to heart or embraced more passionately than the one Carlos articulated that day.  Far from perfect, I made a full share of parenting mistakes.  In my heart, though, I really thought about and tried to raise good spirits.  I may one day learn that my kids have gotten there in spite of me.

Carlos has gone on to meet his maker, but I hope he was right.  I have lied and I do swear too much.  I do not know what the afterlife holds, but it is pleasant to think about reuniting in the future with caring souls like Carlos Garcia and Caesar Chavez.

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