In Columbus Took A Chance, I tell stories that illustrate how a group of people who could not open a meaningful door for me taught me how to open my own. The stories here are from my view from the other side of that table.
I had a friend describe his experience with kids by saying “you think you’re leading them, but they are really leading you”. There are times when that is true, but I find the full spectrum of teaching, learning, supporting, teasing and most of all loving, the core of our communal human existence, can be acutely encountered at all stages of the family experience.
While you can’t pick blood relatives, their daily presence will uniquely influence and shape you, in the same way that time, the wind, and the sea leave their mark on a coastline.
Topical Index
The Benefit of Parenting Costs
Fighting Instincts to Improve Results
The Beauty of a Baseball Park
I was at Dodger Stadium one summer evening with a good friend, my middle son and his best friend. My son was about to become a high school freshman and was deeply engaged in a text conversation with a girl he and his friend had recently met at a graduation party. At one point, they were consumed with the smartphone and confused, trying to decide what to ask her next.
“Can she cook?” I asked them
“Why does that matter?” My son inquired.
“Do you like stomachaches?” was my reply.
The four of us lost all track of the next several batters expanding on that humorous topic. I imagine thousands of people were stuck in Southern California traffic listening intently to Vin Scully describing the nuances of what was happening on the field. We were close enough for the players to hear us and could not care less about what they were doing. Read More
Eating at home
I love to eat so I know I will be happy at least three times a day. I have many friends who eat on the go, and you do what you have to do, but at least once a day, I make a concerted effort to gather around a table with the folks in my home and share the experience of the family meal.
I grew up with extended families who ate home-cooked meals together as a matter of regular practice. Cost was a primary reason. The expense of feeding our tribe at restaurants relegated the status of those outings to being reserved for special occasions.
Saving money was just one of the benefits. Read More
Parenting- Where It Can Lead
It took several years and an invasive medical procedure before my oldest daughter was conceived. When it finally happened, I was so consumed with excitement, I spoke about almost nothing else. A few days after I got the news, I attended a scheduled Board of Directors meeting for a non-profit organization in East Los Angeles. I took my regular seat that evening next to my favorite board member, Carlos J Garcia.
Carlos had a comforting and genuine greeting for each person he met brought out by a keen ability to see the good in everyone. It was easy to see the goodness in him. He was a bundle of things you would not expect, a lawyer, seriously overweight, yet soft-spoken with an easy and gentle smile. He was also a Bishop in the Mormon Church, which at the time I mistakenly viewed as a unique role for a Latino. Much later in life, I came to realize that there are many So, Cal. Hispanics who are members of the Mormon Church.
Carlos had his share of life’s trials, but his faith gave him a glow that I only witnessed once in one other person, the famous farmworker’s advocate, Caesar Chavez. Coincidentally, I met Caesar Chavez in that same board room a few months before I got the news that my wife was pregnant. Read More
The Benefit of Parenting Costs
Parenting often entails making sacrifices for the benefit of the children. A great number of these sacrifices are opportunity costs, I’ve had many conversations with parent friends of mine over the years where they lamented things they could not do because they had kids.
In March of 2009, I was engaged in a text conversation with a friend who was having a hard time dealing with these foregone opportunities. To my surprise, she saved my comments and sent them back to me last year. They do capture my feelings, albeit a bit less eloquently in their off the cuff delivery. Read More
Fighting Instincts Can Improve Parenting Results
One of the primary feelings a parent has is protectiveness. No one wants to see their kids suffer or hurt and when it happens, the natural instinct is to ease the pain and speed the healing.
Life, however, is not a pain-free experience. Sometimes we as parents have to allow our kids to deal with injury and misfortune as a way for them to face their fears and understand their capabilities.
Today I was reminded of an experience my son had that I believe in part has made him a man willing to accept challenges, but more importantly, a man who is trusted and relied upon by his colleagues.
I sent my son this text today- Read more
Nights of Fire
Spanish Guitar in its various forms has been a favorite of mine for years. A client of mine gave me a DVD for Benise’s Emmy Award-winning PBS Special “Night’s on Fire” in 2006 and I was instantly a fan. I saw him live a few months later, not knowing his career would directly intersect with my life.
In 2010 I was looking for musicians to play at a 50th Birthday Party I was throwing for my wife and a friend mentioned he knew Roni Benise’s agent. I hired Roni and two of his band members, then called and asked if my son Dominick, who was studying Classical Guitar as a sophomore in High School, could perform at the party with him. Roni generously agreed. The party was at the Soho House in Hollywood and the guests all lived near us in the Whittier area so I rented a bus to transport the partygoers ensuring no one would have to drive drunk that evening. I took the opportunity to use the bus ride to kick off the party by liberally distributing shots of Patron.
When we arrived at the Soho House, Andy Kwan, a great friend, and partner in our Chinese import business, who was several shots to the good, asked Roni if he’d ever performed in China. Roni said it was always a dream of his. “Oh, we can get you into China easy” Andy boasted. Three days later we met Roni to discuss terms of us representing him for a concert tour in China. I only had one condition, which was that Dominick would perform with the musicians. Benise agreed. Read More
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